Through the Fire and the Frames One of the key things about art as it pertains to me is its therapeutic nature. I literally vibrate with anxiety all day. For me to eat soup with a spoon is like a coked up, incontinent ferret trying to play 'Operation'. I'm also an insomniac with depression issues. Now - as fun as all of this is to deal with in everyday life, the depression, anxious tremors, crippling fear, and exhaustion all evaporate from me the minute the nib of the pen hits the bristol.
This is why whenever someone sees one of my art pieces with literally millions of dots the size of an ink dipped hair, they ask, "I don't know how you do it," and I answer immediately with, "I don't know how I'd do without it." And I am dead serious.
Art is, always has been and always will be my best friend and safest escape from the world and the fools that populate a great deal of it. In art there are no bills, no disagreements, petty passive aggressive behavior, or hidden agenda.
I don't see it as 30 - 40 hours of time going into an art piece as a way to make money or promote myself. I look back on it as 1800 or 2400 minutes where my mind and body were at peace from the miserable rigors, have-tos, and annoyances of everyday life. It would be perfect if I could stay home and someone could pay me to draw, paint or engrave whatever I felt like and never expect me to show up anywhere. Honestly, for a depressed person it would be easier to stay in that bed you sleep 40 minutes out of an 8 hour night in than face the day - I am not bullshitting here. You are amazingly resilient if you suffer from depression and you do battle with everyday life. Some days I swear it would be easier to try and stuff a honey badger into a pillowcase than try to eke out a pathetic 'good morning' to your friends and coworkers that you work with and see every day.
When I'm drawing, painting, or engraving and grinding I am a different me in a different universe. My nervously tapping feet lay peacefully on the floor. My breathing is regulated. The back that suffers from age and weight doesn't hurt. The radio in my head turns itself off, my face relaxes, and my mask crumbles and falls to the floor. I am at peace. No laughing, no pain, no sadness. My body, mind, and soul relax for as long as it takes to do what it needs to do.
Art puts me in a comforting and meditative place. So much that the only other person in the room could be talking and I won't even notice. I get so into watching the ink slowly but consistently transfer from the pen to the surface, I'm literally hypnotized.
If you haven't ever done so, I would encourage you to take a nice pen (all of my pen and ink pieces are done with micron 005's) and set it sofly on a piece of paper. Right in the middle - and just start drawing lines and making shapes. If you see something in those shapes that needs shading, go ahead and do it. The shapes can add up to anything or be anything you would like. Maybe you will like what you turn out, maybe you won't - but do take comfort in this - and this is very important: Your own opinion is the only one that matters here. It is terribly unfortunate that a lot of people fear the judgement that comes with the territory of self expression. Don't worry - it happens to professional artists all the time. Occasionally I will do something that didn't really turn out the way I wanted, and I'll have a little internal monologue about how the horse I painted looks like a hamster vandalizing a doughnut while someone comments that its the most beautiful thing they've ever seen.
As I stated earlier, there are a great deal of fools in the world, but there are honestly a lot of good ones as well that will support you no matter what. Keep those people and stay true to yourself. Just make sure that whatever you create you create for yourself -
